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By Ross Petras, Kathryn Petras

A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips,  spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous  and notorious figures earlier and current -- a  complete direction in anti-eloquence via the foot-in-mouth  champions of all time.

Note: a prior variation of this ebook used to be released in 1993 by way of Doubleday. it's right here reprinted through association with Doubleday.

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Extra resources for 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said

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Burt says not to use liquids, though, as they leak. The imagination almost goes into overload, however, thinking of all the disgusting solids and mushy things you can plant in there before you close it back up and gently melt the chocolate seam together again. Then squeeze the foil shut and serve. -- CHARLATANS -- Now, for some comedic relief, brought to you by Lil Eddie Meese. Remember our "Nobody's hungry, cold in poverty, or hurting in the USA," attorney general? Remember him? Here's a fun little game you can play with other fascist friends.

You remember Carla Savage. She says that roadkill and other dead animals are like cops, they're never around when you need one. But, since moving to California, she has found a remedy to this shortage of dead animals. "Being in the horse business, I know a lot of people with big old barns. Big old barns have rats. " "I give the Mexicans a bunch of baggies each week, then pay them twenty-five cents per rat, more if the rat is really big and gross," Carla writes. " Carla's little zoo soon began to appear in the swimming pool, tennis court and, eventually, the water well of her neighbor, a man who had given her and her own live animals mega-reasons for revenge.

Using a Polaroid camera, have your associates perform sexual and scatological acts up the grave site and stone, then mail the photos to your mark. -- GROSS OUT -An undeserving couple was nistly undercut by a Yuppie hostess at a neighborhood party. Being only wimps, they applied for help from a friend who had graduated from a Haydukery School of Mayhem. Here's what he did. "I went to the lady's next party as a guest and took a can of instant whipped cream with me inside my coat," recalls Pablo Gorman.

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