Read e-book online Crazy English PDF

By Richard Lederer

In what different language, asks Lederer, do humans force on a throughway and park in a driveway, and your nostril can run and your toes can odor? In loopy ENGLISH, Lederer frolics during the logic-boggling byways of our language, getting to know the names for phobias you didn't recognize you might have, the longest phrases in our dictionaries, and the shortest sentence containing each letter within the alphabet. You'll take a bird's-eye view of our beastly language, banquet on a ceremonial dinner of mushrooming meals metaphors, and meet the self-reflecting medical professional Rotcod, destined to talk merely in palindromes.

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Sample text

Wait! ” he shouted. His cell phone screeched for attention from his front pocket, vibrating provocatively against his already agitated manhood. He yanked the device from his pants and pitched it into the woods before turning back to the intern. “It’s alright, it’s okay, hon,” he continued. “Don’t you worry about anything. It was just a little alarm. Absolutely no harm done. ” This reassurance downgraded the intern’s crying situation to a sniffle. ” The president closed his eyes and grinned smugly as the intern lowered herself to her carpet-burned knees in the wet grass.

This is not a sewing circle, ladies. ” Sherri’s eyes darted back and forth between the camera enclosures in the ceiling. She spotted the one that was staring her down and extended a pair of bony middle fingers to the lens. “I saw that, Becquerel! ” Sherri held up her hands and wiggled her fingers in the air as if to say, “Ooooh, I’m shaking. ” Vivian looked into the spying cameras with a dull sigh. She didn’t know if there was a God, but she knew that there was always a colossal being watching her every move from on high.

With a great, gasping effort he bent over, tore the packing slip from the side of the Beta Burn shipping crate, and gave it a wheezing once-over. ” he roared, thrusting the paper in her face. 99! What the hell is wrong with you?

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